Powerful Women and the Men Who Hate Them

This was another doozy of a week in Trump 2.0, and it’s impossible to notice every drop of water in the flood of news coming at us. But for me, there are always certain stories or moments in time that stand out as particularly scary, infuriating, symbolic, and all sorts of awful. I’ve had more than my share lately. This week one of those moments was brought to me by a man currently competing for the absolute worst human award, Trump’s “border czar” Tom Homan. A man who just a few weeks ago called Boston’s Mayor Michelle Wu “not very smart” for trying to protect the immigrant residents of her city. A man who this week decided to take on Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, another powerful woman of color, also by insulting her intelligence. And… into orbit I went.

In case you missed it, last week AOC held a “know your rights’ webinar for her constituents. And before I go on, can we reflect for a moment that a congressperson speaking with their constituents about their rights does actually feel like a basic part of their job description? Anyway, AOC held this webinar and the bully that is Tom Homan couldn’t let it go. His anger and misogyny were on full display during multiple media appearances where he insulted her, mocked her credentials, and accused her of undermining law enforcement. He then threatened her with Department of Justice scrutiny and called her the “dumbest congresswoman ever elected to Congress”.

Okay now. The man who referred to Harvard educated Michelle Wu as not very smart now calling AOC the dumbest congresswoman really did me in. It’s one thing to disagree with someone’s policy stances. It’s a whole other thing to insult their intelligence because they don’t agree with you. But let’s talk about what that whole other thing is — it’s about taking down powerful women. It’s about their inability to tolerate having a woman stand up to them, challenge, or “defy” them. It’s what abusive men do: when they feel their power or authority is being questioned, they lash out. The demean and insult. They undermine, they punish, they ABUSE. These are men who are threatened by powerful women. These are men who hate powerful women.

The insults, the bullying, the threats against powerful women are coming from all levels of the Trump administration. An administration that is notably filled with men who have a history of violence against women. So this behavior is in no way surprising. But it is still horrifying and profoundly dangerous — both for the safety of the women being targeted and for women in general. More on that in a bit.

The examples of this abound. Who can forget JD Vance saying that professional women “choose a path to misery” when they prioritize careers over having children and criticizing Vice President Kamala Harris for being childless? And how snippy he became when pushed on his misogyny? Speaking of snippy, did you catch Stephen Miller on CNN this week? When anchor Brianna Keilar began to probe into DOGE practices and who was in charge of terminating 300 employees at the National Nuclear Security Administration, Stephen Miller blew up. He escalated so dramatically that Keilar responded by asking him to calm down. He then responded “…I will be as excited as I want to be…” as he continued to berate her. Then there’s President non-Elect Elon Musk, who has demanded that “awful creature” Rep. Rosa DeLauro be “expelled from Congress”, said that AOC is “not that smart”, and joked about Kamala Harris being assassinated.

And then of course there is Donald Trump himself. Our Abuser-in-Chief. Who famously advocated for jailing Hillary Clinton, that nasty woman. Who referred to Liz Cheney as a “moron” and “very dumb” and called for guns to be trained on her. Who called Stormy Daniels “horse face”, MSNBC personality Mika Brzezinski "crazy," and said that Rep. Maxine Waters has a "low-I.Q.”. The man who unleashed a slew of insults against writer E. Jean Carroll when he was deposed in her civil suit accusing him of rape, and we all know the outcome of that case. Who insulted Kamala Harris so many times it’s hard to count, but let’s do a quick run down. “Lazy as hell”, “slow”, “low IQ”, “stupid person” were all a part of his repertoire, as was asking “Does she drink? Is she on drugs?”. Who just went after Maine Governor Janet Mills at a White House event when she refused to cave to his demands on trans athletes, telling her “You better do it, because you’re not going to get any federal funding,” and then quipping that she should enjoy her life after governor “because I don’t think you’ll be in elected politics”.

This is not leadership. It’s abuse. It is behavior that exemplifies an administration that is based on misogyny and white supremacy, where leaders can abuse with impunity. It is a hallmark of a team that is filled with men who hate women, particularly powerful women. It is so telling that these men don’t just go after the policies but insult the women making these policies, calling into question their intelligence and their competence at every turn. Why? Because they don’t just want to take down obstacles to their hateful agenda, they want to take down the women too.

I spent years and years working with survivors of domestic violence and I sure know abusive behavior when I see it. I also spent years running programs that taught young people about healthy relationships, and this barrage of abuse directed at women in public positions terrifies me. I worry about the safety of these women, and how the misogyny of the right wing is being even further emboldened by what they see from their leaders. And I very much worry about all the boys and young men who are seeing abusive behavior modeled by people with great power. I hate to consider the messages being internalized by all of the young people witnessing the never ending insults and threats directed at women leaders. How do we help young people navigate healthy relationships when what they see around them is anything but that?

We have some work to do. A whole lot of it. Yes, we have to mitigate the harm of this administration’s abusive policies. But we also have to mitigate the harm of their abusive language and behavior. I keep referring to Trump as our Abuser-in-Chief, and I need everyone’s help in calling out his abuse, as well as that of followers. Because what will our youth learn if we don’t give them a different message? If we don’t name the harm and push them to think critically about what they are hearing and witnessing? What will happen if the insults and threats become so normalized that young people accept this as a part of the human condition? Their human condition? The only way we stop it is by speaking to it — loudly. On your social media, in your letters to the editor, and also at your dinner tables and social gatherings.

Name the men who hate powerful women. Name their behavior for what it is — abuse. The health and safety of the next generation, and of our country, depends on it.

A quick final note: since I started writing this piece Tom Homan decided to use his speech at the Conservative Political Action Conference to target Boston’s Police Commissioner Michael Cox and threaten, “I’m coming to Boston. I’m bringing hell with me.” He’s apparently coming to holler at Mayor Wu, a child of immigrants, and Commissioner Cox, a Black man, about our refusal to go after immigrants simply for being immigrants. This only makes me feel the urgency of calling out the bullying and abuse even more. Yes, these are men that hate women. But these are also men who hate anyone who is not them. Naming the misogyny directed at women in power is critical in its own right. But we know it’s also a larger safety issue for all of us who live outside the circle of their acceptance. No safety for me, unless there is safety for we. I truly hope that Tom Homan gets a message that is loud and clear: immigrants are welcome in Boston. Hate, bullying, and abuse are not.